


Unarmed

by KailynBail



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Smut, Grey Wardens, Tension, Vigil's Keep, betrothal, cameo mentions, reunited, teenage relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 10:18:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10988916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KailynBail/pseuds/KailynBail
Summary: Once betrothed, now Nathaniel is shocked to learn that this woman is the one who killed his father. Is it nostalgia that stays his hand or are these feelings still real?





	1. That Bratty Boy

**Author's Note:**

> A short story that delves into the whole Cousland / Nathaniel Howe HC that screams Nathaniel had a crush on Female Cousland way back when.

“Nathaniel, quit fidgeting.” The Arlessa fussed down at her seventeen year old son as they walked towards the main hall of the castle. “Why must you be insufferable every time we visit the Teyrn’s?”

Nathaniel dropped his hand, having been toying with one of the ties on his formal jerkin. “Because you insist on making me spend hours alone with that horrible girl.” He sneered under his breath, having no desire at all to be stuck with that stubborn girl again.

“You say it as though you were just here… it’s been nearly three years, Nathaniel.” The Arlessa said with a slight wave of her hand. “Besides, you know well the plans we have for the two of you.”

Nathaniel made a disgusted face but was quickly reprimanded by a sharp look from his mother. _Plot all you wish, you old crone… it’s not going to happen._ He remembered well how the Teyrn’s daughter had tackled him last time because he had called her a boyish girl-which she was, causing him to scrape his knee and tear his coat… she was far too wild for a girl… and she had a mouth that could not be controlled, even by her own father. She was loud and boisterous, not to mention her interest in weaponry… quite irregular for a girl.

“Arlessa! Welcome.” Teyrn Bryce Cousland said as the two entered his main hall, holding his hands out slightly in greeting. He suffered these visits only because this woman had married an old friend of his… and the plans that he agreed with. “My, this cannot be young Nathaniel?” He was shocked by the near man who stood beside the Arlessa. Apparently he was rebellious for he wore his jet black hair long, though it was pulled back… probably at his Mother’s insistence. He wore the formal jerkin well, he had already eclipsed his Mother’s height and by memory, Bryce knew he was nearly eye level with the Arl himself. He even had the dusting of a beard already there. His father’s blue eyes stared back at him with clear intent… the boy would rather be anywhere but here. He held his hand out to the boy with a warm grin. “You’re almost big enough now to give your father a run for his money.” He said with a bit of a laugh when the boy took his hand, he noted the calluses already there.

Nathaniel looked down and away with the praise, why did adults insist on making him feel like a freak just for simply growing older? He shook the Teyrn’s hand, wincing inward at the tight grip before regaining control of his own hand. He just gave a stiff bow to the man. “Not anytime soon, My Lord.” _And… here we go._ He waited for his Mother’s voice to chime in…

“My Lord Teyrn, you are too kind.” The Arlessa turned slightly and looked around, shifting to do so. “I was so hoping to see your beautiful daughter.” And she was… the Teyrn’s son was not ugly but… he wasn’t that good looking either, he was mediocre at best. The Teyrn himself as well as his own wife… well, her son was, naturally in her mind, deserving of a beautiful wife. She hoped that he would not have to suffer a plane bride.

Bryce gave her a hearty chuckle. “She will be along any moment… I fear she may have selectively forgotten that the two of you would be arriving today.” He held a hand up to the woman. “But worry not, I did not forget… thus I had some of the servants fetch her from the training grounds more than two hours ago.” He gave them both a nod, his eyes closing with the action.

The Arlessa’s eyes flared with the information. “The… the training grounds? Was she… watching some of the knights then?”

Bryce couldn’t help another good natured grin broaden his face. “I only wish, Arlessa. My daughter, as you know, has a strong will. She has taken an interest in archery these last few years… in fact, it is some of my knights that take the time to watch _her_.” He said with no amount of pride spared.

The Arlessa fanned herself with a disapproving look yet she hid it well with a smile of her own. “I see. Well… we must all have hobbies.” She said in _that_ way.

Nathaniel soaked up the information with a likewise disapproving shake of his head. Some things never change… this man might as well be raising another son for all the things he let his daughter get away with. He clasped his hands behind his back as he grew bored quickly… waiting for the moment when they would send him off with that crass girl and he could elude her for the rest of their stay.

As if on cue, the Lady Teyrn swept into the room, her casual dress carried her over to her smiling husband. “Elaine! I am so sorry to have kept you waiting.” She turned towards the woman and gave a dip of her head in return to the Arlessa’s own.

The Arlessa oozed false friendliness at the woman. “Oh, Eleanor, it is no bother at all.” She waved at her with that fan of hers and a toss of her head as if it were in fact, no bother. “The Teryn was just telling us of Adamris’ extracurricular activities.” Surely she didn’t approve…

Eleanor smiled with a bit of a laugh herself. “Ah yes… he is quite proud. Though, I fear who will be more disappointed when she hangs up her bow… him or her?” She laughed in turn with the Arlessa.

Adamris hovered just outside the door… working to wipe the sullen look off her face. _Stupid Howes…_ she loathed these visits. They’d insist that she spend time with that brat, _Nathaniel_. She pivoted her head slightly, rocking it side to side as she sneered the name in her head. She smoothed down her dress, hating it perhaps even more. _Might as well get it over with so I can ditch him and get back to the grounds._ She took a deep breath, settling her clasped hands before her, as her Mother so often told her to… and walked into the main hall. Her eyes fixed on her parents, lest she grow green from the sight of him.

“Ah! There she is!” The Arlessa said as she caught the movement out of the corner of her eye. She looked at the Teyrn’s daughter and did not hide her smile. “By the Maker… she _has_ grown!” It was _her_ turn to notice how much the child had grown… grown indeed. And with those features? Oh! Bless the Maker, she surpassed her parentage!

Nathaniel’s expression only grew more irritated at the announcement… he forced ambivalence onto his face as he turned to… he took in a slow breath and swallowed. Her hair… once unruly with auburn corkscrews now fell in gentle curls around her shoulders, eyes that he never even noticed the color of flicked towards him as she drew nearer… Maker, they were the color of the grass, they were so green. She was nearly as tall as he… and her form… well, his Mother had said it… she had _grown_. She filled out the simple dress that was only a shade or two lighter than her eyes but the same color, her arms covered but slender… what the hell had happened over the past three years?! He left and she was this despicable boyish girl that was all knees and elbows, with more scuffs than not… and now… she was nearly a lady.

Adamris’ eyes had shifted to Nathaniel when she drew closer, in preparation to greet him as quickly as possible so they could get out of there and she could split. But… that wasn’t Nathaniel? Was it? Surely not. This was… nearly a man before her now. She came up to stand beside her Mother, her eyes having not left his yet… those eyes that usually looked at her with such distain, now… he was looking at her so oddly. Yet she was looking at him the same… his shoulders were wider, his chest broader… his jaw starting to fill to that of a man’s. She blinked rapidly for a moment before she offered her hand to the Arlessa. “Arlessa Howe… welcome to our home.” She greeted the woman formally, giving her a slight curtsy as she had been taught to.

The Arlessa took the girl’s hand with a genuine grin, oh… they must have been joking earlier, surely this girl had never held a bow in her life. She was far too ladylike. “Thank you Adamaris… my dear girl, you look lovely. That dress nearly matches your eyes perfectly! Doesn’t it Nathaniel?” She turned to her son, noting the stunned look on his face, when he didn’t respond right away she nudged him with her elbow.

Nathaniel was staring… he knew he should look away but… he was still just… well, stunned. His Mother’s elbow caught his attention and he blinked, seeming to severe the connection. He cleared his throat and recovered quickly, giving her a shrug. “If you say so.”

Bryce hadn’t missed the looks being exchanged between the children… he settled his hand against his wife’s back with a knowing grin. “Good of you to join us, daughter.”

Adamris wormed her fingers from the Arlessa’s grip… ignoring the fact that Nathaniel’s voice had gotten so deep. She looked to her father and gave him an apologetic but… not… look. “I apologize for my tardiness, father.”

Bryce smirked and gave her a firm nod. “It’s quite all right…” He looked between the women before giving his daughter a mischievous smirk. “Adamris… why don’t you show Nathaniel the lower gardens… I don’t believe the statuary was in place when last he was here.”

Adamris resisted the urge to glare at her father, but only just. She did however purse her lips, they went to a thin line for but a moment before she gave him a seriously fake smile. “Of course, father.” She turned towards Nathaniel and gestured for him to accompany her before she stepped away from the adults, hating each of them in that moment… okay, maybe not her Mother… but still. “Nathaniel, the statuary is quite lovely.” She nearly choked on the honey in the words as she led him towards the door that would lead them outside.

Nathaniel gave the adults a subtle bow before turning away from them and followed, keeping his hands clasped behind his back. His calf high boots thudding against the floor as his strides caught him up without a need to quicken his pace. He reached for the door handle before she could, though she had, and held the door open for her… much to the subtle irritation he saw in her features. He was still… the elegant line of her cheekbones was so different than the roundness he had seen the last time. He bristled though when he heard the approving tone in the voices behind him. Once outside… he opened his mouth but didn’t speak right away, when his voice finally did find him, he nearly tripped over his words. “It’s good to see you, Adamris.”

The muscle in her jaw worked as he opened the door for her… _just breath, Ris… just breath._ She stepped off the wide stone porch and hit the stairs at a rapid pace… her booted feet flying over them, had any of them looked any closer, they would have seen those boots as opposed to slippers. Calf high and slender, leather and comfortable… built for agility. “Oh come on, _Nathaniel_ , it’s just the two of us, you can drop the act.” She nearly barked over her shoulder as she hoisted the skirt to her dress up, gathering it into her arms… revealing the knee length leather shorts that had been beneath the dress.

Nathaniel followed her down the stairs and raised his brows at her… both her words and her… was she lifting that skirt nearly to her waist?! But he felt the familiar disapproval racing up his spine. “Right. Sorry about that, almost forgot who I was talking to. For a minute there, I thought you’d turned into a lady.” His hands went to his sides as he trudged down the stairs, intent to ditch her as soon as he could… what he didn’t know was she was already trying to do just that to him.

Ris hit the ground at a steady clip, crossing the courtyard with purpose as she lifted the dress up over head and threw it into the tree as she passed under it before she pitched one shoulder up after another and worked her arms back into the straps of her simple cloth tank top, ribbed and thick with no need for those cursed bindings. She hopped slightly as she tugged at one of her boots, pulling it up a bit more. “Ha! You of all people should know how impossible that is.” She passed through the gates. “What about you?” She said as she turned and gestured to him. “Your Mother dressed you up all nice and pretty, _Nathaniel_. Almost thought you’d turned into a man.”

Nathaniel’s eyes went wide for that split second between when she pulled the dress off and he realized she wore a shirt beneath it, still the sight of her bare shoulders had him feeling the heat creep up the sides of his neck, luckily it was gone by the time she turned around. Everything about her was just… annoying. The way she said his name as if she mocked it all on its own… grated on his nerves. He glanced down at his jerkin and scoffed, running his tongue over the outside of his molars on the left side of his mouth at her jab. He started pulling the knots immediately. “More a man than you are… though I can see you’re still trying so hard to be the Teyrn’s second son.” Why the hell was he still following her? He wasn’t! This was just… the way he was going anyway! He pulled the last knot on the jerkin and tore it off, throwing it off to the side with all the frustration he’d felt the entire way here and before, taking it out on that. His undershirt wasn’t much different than hers, actually… his trousers comfortable but admittedly tailored.

Ris gave her own laugh, throwing her head back as she skipped a bit and turned back around, breaking into a jog as she moved. “It’s funny that you think that I’ve been… trying to be a second son…” She threw her fingers up and did the quotation gesture with those words. “When I hear that’s what you’ve been trying to do!” She shot a look over her shoulder with a mischievous grin.

Nathaniel glared at her with the jab, apparently word had spread that he was being resistant to learn the particulars of his father’s Arldom, he broke into a jog and couldn’t resist catching up to her, falling into step beside her, doing his best _not_ to notice how certain things… moved. “Well, you got that part down about being a girl… nice to see you gossiping with the other skirts.” He sneered at her. “Which is what you _should_ be doing… instead of what? Going to the _training grounds_? Aren’t you a little old to be playing pretend?”

Ris shot a look over at him when he joined her, as he was doing his best not to notice her, she was doing her best not to notice how muscular he had grown. “See, it’s things like that _Nathaniel_ … which would you rather me be? A _skirt_ or a second son? I can never tell, and you know how I just _live_ to please you.” The amount of sass in one sentence couldn’t be more.

Nathaniel scoffed at her, shaking his head as he fought to roll his eyes. What a mouth! “Maker, quit sneering my name like that… _Adamris_. And if you’d like to please me, I’d be more than happy to give you a few suggestions.” He gave her a cocky grin as they turned between some trees and headed out further towards the woods.

Ris rolled her eyes at him. “Ugh… I’m sure you could.” Boys were disgusting, regardless of age or height! She didn’t know why he was still beside her… nor why she hadn’t told him to get lost yet… she was enjoying poking fun at him. “Well, what would you like me to call you _My Lord Arl_?”

Nathaniel narrowed his eyes at her. “Ugh, not _that_.” He jumped over a fallen log as they entered the woods, the fallen leaves crisping under their combined footfalls. “ _If_ you must know, Nate is fine.”

Ris smirked at him in return, leaping over the same log though she had to do so differently for the length difference in their legs. “Fine, Nate. Ugh, it sounds like a weird sneeze. _Ah-Nate!_ ” She mocked with a rock of her head to match, falling into laughter once she was done, slipping in the leaves just a bit.

Nathaniel shook his head at her but he couldn’t help the corners of his mouth that started to twitch, wanting to turn upwards with a smirk in response to her laughter, it was… nice to hear. When she slid towards him, he threw a hand out, cradling her hip and pushing her back, since she had bent over slightly, trying to regain her footing. “And what of Adamris? It almost sounds…” He looked at her with a raised brow, preparing for the jest. “Orlaisian.”

Ris jerked away from his hand, but not before she felt the whole of it against her. She had a glare all ready for him when he paused… but that one word had her brows go high and her eyes go wide. “Why you!” And cue the tackle! She leapt for him, mid stride, digging one boot into the soft ground as she dove at him. She threw her shoulder into his, not particularly caring if she went down, which of course… she did. “Ack!!”

Nathaniel barked out a laugh of his own as he held his hands up in defense, skipping away from her slightly before she dove at him, her shoulder going into his with surprising force. It had him slip in the leaves and down they went! She went with him, following through the charge as it were, he turned to land on his back, sending his arms around her to cushion her fall… though where the hell that came from, he had no idea. This was Adamris after all, he should have let her bite it. But he didn’t… she landed on his chest and wasn’t that just perfect? He tensed as he realized quickly how soft she was against him, it was almost enough to steal the smile that he still stupidly wore.

Ris braced herself, expecting to land harshly and when she didn’t, it took her a second to realize that Nathaniel had his arms around her. She looked up at him with a raised brow only to attack again, she rolled in his hold, snatching his wrists and spinning just so, settling over his lap but her heels went under his thighs, toes digging into the ground as she pinned him. “Take. It. Back.”

Nathaniel made a strangled sound amongst his laughter as she surprisingly moved within his loose hold, quickly positioning herself to pin him down, he felt her heels digging into the back of his thighs as she hovered over him, her hair falling around her and tickling his face. He turned away from it but there was no escape! He blew at it impatiently. “Never!” He barked at her before he dug his own boot into the earth and pitched his hips to the side, jacking himself off the ground and rolling. Using his weight to his advantage and soon had her pinned beneath _him_ with a smug grin, his hands sinking into the leaves as he held her slender wrists. It wasn’t lost on him that he was… well, not to put too fine of a point on it, squarely between her legs now. He pitched a brow up at her as that smile tugged at him. “What are you going to do now, Ris?” He used the nick name he knew she preferred, surprised that he remembered it from when they were so young. He remembered the visit when they were no more than eight, she had climbed up into a tree and refused to come down to spend time with _that bratty boy_. Her father had coaxed her down, calling her that name.

It was Ris’ turn to give a strangled sound as she fought against the turning of the tables, but ultimately failed. He did have the upper hand in the weight and strength department… she stomped on the ground in frustration but kept the humor in her eyes, chewing on the inside of her lower lip as he looked down at her, the way he said her nick name though had her blink at him… _he remembered that?_ “Guess I’ll just have to beat it out of you.” She raised a brow in return before she hoisted one of her legs around his waist, jabbing a heel into his kidney just hard enough for him to pitch away from it before she did the same move as he to roll them, sending his center of gravity over its tipping point and there they went again… this time however, it was over the edge of a gentle slope. Didn’t stop the momentum from picking up though… sending leaves flying as they separated and rolled. Ris tucked her arms close to herself as she closed her eyes yet squealed with laughter, aiming to make herself go faster… she never could resist the urge to do just what she did… for a moment, she forgot that she was supposed to hate this boy… that he was _that bratty boy_. When she landed at the bottom, it was among a bed of soft leaves and in a pile of them, breathless as she just let her arms lay out over her head, panting with a wide grin… looking up at the sky bisected by the branches of the elms.


	2. Can I See You Tonight?

Nathaniel barked out an uncomfortable sound when she jabbed him and then sent them rolling… unlike her, he threw his arms out on the hill, trying to slow himself… which was wholly ineffective. Her laughter echoing around him, coupled with the spinning world, pulled his own joyful feeling out. He landed at the bottom not too far from her, out of breath and laughing heartily as he shifted and looked over at her. He rolled over and crawled over to her… and onto her, aiming to pin her again but he was laughing too much and too breathless. He couldn’t even form a word for how his laughter was still boiling out of him… months and months of dealing with his father’s pressures, his family’s insistence that he be groomed for Arldom… all of those pressures and stresses just lifting off of him.

Ris glanced at him, her smile wide as she heard his laughter… he sounded so… relieved. With a father like his? He probably never got to do anything like this. She couldn’t help but join his laughter when he climbed onto her, his hands sliding over her wrists as he tried to take advantage of the lull and gain the upper hand, even in his laughter. But… the way he looked down at her… it was different. His hands on her wrists were… different. She had one knee bent and up, feeling him settle beside it atop her had her blush deeply, the flush accentuating the freckles over the tops of her cheeks and nose. Her hands loose among the leaves, she looked up at him and swallowed roughly, taking a deep breath as her laughter started to die, being swallowed by the blush.

Nathaniel’s own laughter died down as he looked down at her… her eyes, a beacon he honed in on. Was this really that same girl? The one he’d loathed all those years? He didn’t see it now. His hands on her wrists softened their hold… he noticed the softness of her skin beneath his fingers… became hyper-aware of her beneath him, his knee bent beneath her own. He subconsciously licked his lower lip when he saw that flush trek up her face… he couldn’t help the gentle smile that he gave. He’d… always liked freckles… he thought to himself as he felt the sides of his neck heat up, knowing well his own blush was creeping its way up. He swallowed against the sudden nervousness before he leaned down and brushed his lips over hers, just the slightest touch… but he felt his heart slam in his chest at it. He took a shallow breath as he pressed his lips to her’s, his eyes closing the moment he did, feeling as though his entire body turned into a single taught muscle, his hands left her wrists without thought and dug into the leaves, wrapping around her as he felt her own go around him. He took a sharp breath in as he felt her lips part and her tongue brush against his own, welcoming him… he sank into the kiss, his first…

Her first… her arms around him as she rolled slightly, his own pulling at her, her eyes closed to the world. She didn’t know how they even got here, not really. Innocence at its core… she felt breathless and dizzy from the taste and feel of him. She had no idea how long they were in the leaves, lost together… but by the time she broke the kiss, she could hardly catch her breath, his hand was held fast around her thigh, having rolled onto their sides just enough for her to feel his hold on her, pulling her against himself… which was… eager. She had one hand holding tight to the back of his neck while the other was gripping the front of his shirt over his chest, keeping him to her. His other arm was just wrapped around her neck, keeping her locked into the kiss. Now broken, he was just as breathless as she, panting as he looked down at her with such intensity, his blue eyes reminded her momentarily of the topaz jewels she had seen years ago, they were so crisp.

Nathaniel had no idea how long he’d been kissing her… time was so different right now. He was very aware of how his hand had roamed down her back and further… holding fast to her rear before he took hold of the back of her thigh and had rolled them, pulling her against him… which had only lit him further. His body straining as he felt her _right there_ , running on instinct this entire time, he had just wanted her nearer to him. His mind spun with… all of this, and the saturation with the urges that were running through him. When she broke the kiss, he took a deep gasp of air, pulling it in as he looked down at her… intense and a mixture of emotion, shock being one of them. Yet she was there, this was _her_ … in his arms,  he looked down over her face… her lips swollen from his attentions… the way she was looking at him, he swore the color of her eyes had gone deeper. He licked his lips subconsciously, tasting her there had his pupils dilate further. “Ris…” Her name came on the end of a breath as he pitched his brows up slightly as he started to ease his hold on her.

Ris swallowed roughly as she likewise started to release him, pulling away slowly… as if she couldn’t believe what had just happened. “Nate…” She suddenly felt… scared. From untouched to groped in a single day, what would her Mother say? She rolled away from him suddenly, standing and starting to brush herself off nervously as she did anything but look at him.

Nathaniel was partially grateful for her rolling away from him… he fell onto his back and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, trying to ease the tension he felt. He forced himself to get up, wincing as he had to adjust himself, hoping that everything would just… ease up… soon, _very_ soon. He hadn’t missed the fear he’d seen run through her eyes. He brushed the leaves off of himself as he blushed deeply, cutting his eyes at her. “Ris… uh… that was…”

Ris looked over at him with raised brows. “Freaky? Stupid? Completely… inappropriate… and… and… gross… and…” She started babbling as she looked up at the sky again. “I’m going to be in _so_ much trouble.” She said with no amount of dread spared.

Nathaniel blinked at her many… adjectives. Gross?! He felt the offense but… it was quickly ignored due to her next statement. “Why? I mean… you were… supposed to show me… the lower garden…” He threw his arms out and made a bit of a smirking face, pivoting as he displayed the forest around them. “I think it’s… pretty nice…” He took a few slow steps over to her, drawing near before he gave her a bashful grin. “And gross… isn’t the word _I_ would use.”

Ris glanced over at him, wrapping her arms around herself, suddenly feeling too… bear. But the light in his voice and the look on his face had her giving a small smile of her own… when he came back over to her she couldn’t help but think him… well, cute… with that bashful grin. “Okay… so… not… completely gross.” She said in that same jesting tone, finding herself grow comfortable with him again.

Suddenly, they both heard the horn blowing from the main house… and her father calling for them both. Ris looked at him with an almost shocked expression. “Dinner already?!” She ran ahead of him, scurrying up the hill and aiming for the edge of the trees but before she could break out of the tree line, she felt his arms go around her waist and pull her back behind a wide oak.

Nathaniel was shocked… they’d been down there for nearly two hours. He followed her up the hill but pulled her back at the last moment, turning her around in his arms and claiming her lips one more time… he was sure that the moment they left these woods… he’d never get the chance again. He was quickly lost in both breath and time as she welcomed him, nearly wrapping around him as he did her… it wasn’t until he found himself sinking back down to the ground, aiming to cover her again did he pull away with a deep breath. “Can I see you tonight… alone?” He breathed against her lips as he kissed them again, before she could answer, his hands covering her lower back, holding her to him.

Ris was lost… it took no time at all for him to steal her away. Her hands greedily roamed his back and shoulders, arms and chest, up to his neck and jaw. When he pulled away, asked her, and then kissed her again, she had to lean out of it. “Yes.” She breathed back at him as she tried to twist out of his arms. “Do you remember where the old tree is in the side garden?”

Nathaniel almost couldn’t let her go… but he did, his breathing ragged as he nodded to her. “I think so… past the fountains…”

Ris nodded. “Yes. Meet me there… the guards change shift at eleven. _Don’t get caught_.” She pressed as she turned away from him and broke into a run towards the house.

Nathaniel nodded with an eager grin but couldn’t follow right away, he fell back against the tree and took another ragged breath. “Wow…” He still couldn’t get over how much she had changed yet… not. Or was it him who had changed so much? Perhaps they both had… but now, he couldn’t _wait_ until tonight.

Ris’ reprimand for her condition when she returned home wasn’t near as bad as the one Nathaniel received. The Arlessa was confounded with his impropriety and the fact that he’d left his jerkin thrown so carelessly on the ground. Yet, they’d both washed and dressed for dinner. Both of them elected to ignore the other’s existence, lest they give themselves away. The entire evening was completely dull…

Nathaniel was hounded incessantly by his mother to _stop fidgeting_ since he couldn’t help but either drum his fingers on an arm chair or bounce his knee from his anxiousness. He couldn’t risk looking at Ris again… he’d glanced at her during dinner and dropped his fork… and was reprimanded sharply by his Mother’s fierce glare before he collected the dropped flatware, cleared his throat, felt the blush creep up his neck as he stumbled through an apology. The candlelight had danced across Ris’ face and the way someone had put her hair up, lifting it off her neck… he didn’t know what the hell was wrong with him. Just this morning, he was dreading this entire visit… and now… he was a bumbling fool. So, he kept his eyes on his plate the rest of the meal, and on the floor the rest of the evening. Thus, he missed the knowing smirk from the Teyrn… oh the Teyrn had no idea exactly what had already happened… but he knew a boy flustering around a girl he liked well enough.

Ris _loathed_ wearing gowns, getting dressed up in her own home… usually. Tonight, however… she didn’t mind too terribly much, though she still found it too constricting. And that single blunder, that misstep… made it all completely worth it. She likewise didn’t look at him… lest she blush deeply for the memory of his hands on her. She couldn’t help but find the entire day odd… from start to finish. Here she sat, just feet away from _that boy_ … and it was too far away from him. She went to bed early that night just to pass the time since she was obviously not going anywhere… cursing in her mind when her Mother declared that she was going to be working in the sitting room most of the night since Oriana and Fergus were going to be getting in late that night. She managed to slip a note into Nathaniel’s room before she actually went to bed to welcome the dawn for the next day... yet sleep was slow to find her for the flush she felt on her every time she closed her eyes, her body seemingly unwilling to allow her to ease enough to drift. Eventually, after more than a few hours of tossing and turning, throwing the covers off of herself only to pull them back on… she finally fell asleep.

Nathaniel hadn’t thought he could be so disappointed than when he read that note that simply read. _N- No Tree. Next Moon. –R._ Tomorrow… he sighed as he tossed the note in the fire before bedding down. But he likewise had trouble sleeping… in the privacy and darkness of the room he always stayed in whenever he was here… his mind played tricks on him. Tortured him with the memories of the forest. The way her soft body felt against his… the slender way her hips flared just enough to speak of the full woman she would become later… the feeling of her thigh in his hand, her leg around him… the juncture of her thighs so close to himself. He felt his pulse kick up as he shook his head sharply and rolled onto his stomach, aiming to stifle his rapidly growing length. He stuffed his hands under his pillow and gripped the softness there, forcing himself to remain still. He must have eventually drifted off because the next thing he knew, he woke up just before dawn in the throes of a climax, his dream had been filled with everything he had longed to do the day before in the woods. He was embarrassed by the mess he’d made, grateful that he’d woken up before _being_ woken up… he hadn’t had anything like that happen since he was much younger. He shook his head at himself… dressing for the day took longer for how many mistakes he made with tying his jerkin, his thoughts still stuck on the dream of her…  

The entire next day, Nathaniel felt himself grow every time he looked into her eyes for too long… he didn’t miss the way she’d flush and look away, which was good really… he had to take quite a few deep breaths and imagine wholly unattractive things only for all his efforts to be dashed the next time he looked at her. They were escorted the entire next day… forced to spend their time together with either the Teyrn or the Arlessa… or the Lady Teyrn. Or all of them… the day went by agonizingly slow.

Ris’ dreams had been… intense. She’d awoken that morning with her core aching and swollen, she blushed deeply just thinking about the dreams… which she did whenever Nate looked at her too long; the attraction she saw in his eyes only added to it. She couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her! She’d never been one to be all… well, like she was being. She didn’t want to think that their parents could have been _right_ , perish the thought. She’d never found anyone attractive… and there were plenty of boys around the castle and village… many vying for her attention. Until Nate, and only this time. Before he’d irritated her beyond rationality. Still… she knew she had to be careful around him… he was… dangerous for her.


	3. I Miss You Already

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Underage Sex" here, they're seventeen. So... like... yeah. It's not explicit, but it's obvious.

Nathaniel eased the door shut behind him as he stepped outside the castle that night, looking up as the moon hung in the sky… feeling oddly alive, he wasn’t one for sneaking out. He couldn’t help the smile on his face as he lit out across the garden, crouching low as he slunk among the trimmed hedges, aiming for the end of the back garden. He was excited and exhilarated as he moved, pitching this way and that as he moved, keeping low, even though there was probably no chance of getting caught since the guards were changing shifts… he went down the hill towards the back of the garden and the gully where the old tree was… and the grotto that they’d swam at whenever they were kids and his visits coincided during the summer, as opposed to the fall as it was now. He slid down the steep embankment and looked around, standing up and settling a hand on the tree. “Ris?” He whispered into the near darkness.

Ris poked her head around a rocky wall and couldn’t help the broad grin she wore. “Nate, over here.” She stepped out and waved at him, her heavy cloak fluttering with the action. She had been waiting… nervously. She hadn’t known whether he would come or not… and she had kind of hoped he wouldn’t… she was pretty sure she was going to want to kiss him again…. And yeah.

Nathaniel’s smile only grew wider when he heard her… and saw her. His own cloak flowing behind him as he moved over the rocks, the grotto barely babbling. He followed her around the wall and into the cave, the glow worms on the ceiling lighting it up. He looked up with a certain amount of awe… it was… pretty neat actually. It wasn’t a very big cave, only about the size of one of the bedrooms in the castle, and the water didn’t come in very far at all, only a foot or two… he noticed there was a few chairs in here, and a large hammock type bed that he remembered his parents lounging on. Of course, that was back when they had gotten along and came here together. He felt his pulse kick up as he looked at her… he opened his mouth but nothing came out except a nervous laugh… he rubbed at the back of his neck as he looked down at the floor.

Ris likewise gave a nervous laugh… looking around with a bit of a struggled breath. “Nate… what are we doing….?” She shook her head before returning her gaze to him only to find him right there, standing suddenly so close to her, his fingers brushing against her own before he laced them with his, she noticed his hands shook slightly.

Nathaniel took the opportunity of her not looking at him to get closer to her. He looked down at her with the same nervous smile, though he took her hands. “I… I don’t know, Ris… I just… I’ve never… wanted to touch someone so much…” He gave her an almost apologetic expression, yet he already felt himself growing in his sleep pants as he leaned down to kiss her cheek softly.

Ris let out a shaky breath that she hadn’t realized she’d been holding when he kissed her cheek, she turned her head to the side just slightly, allowing it. Her eyes fluttered as she felt her heart do a big _tha-thump_ in response. She held his hands tighter as she felt herself leaning towards him. “I had a dream about you last night…” She found herself whispering… much to her inner mortification. But, her mind had gone foggy since his kiss hadn’t stopped at the cheek. He continued a trail down to her neck…

Nathaniel had intended it to just be a kiss to her cheek, he knew they should talk. He should talk to her. Girls… liked to talk… right? But he couldn’t help himself… he kept kissing her. Feather light and in a trail down to her neck… where he kissed her a bit more feverishly as he stepped closer to her, pulling her hands to his sides. “Hmm…” He questioned against her skin, his eyes closed as his breathing picked up, his length growing eager between them, though they hadn’t touched more yet.

Ris felt her knees going weak as she was drawn closer to him yet he stepped nearer… the feeling of him kissing her neck had chills spreading all over her body. She could hardly think properly! “Yes… it was… you were…” She was pulled so far she fell against him, but it was an odd way of falling… she fell slowly… pressing against him seemingly all at once. She took in a sharp breath at the feeling of him against her abdomen. “Touching me…” She breathed as she could hardly catch her breath, her grip on his hands tightening as she felt heat pooling between her legs.

Nathaniel settled the bridge of his nose against her neck when she settled against him, the feeling of her there had him take a ragged breath… her words only adding to his arousal. He twisted his hands free of hers and dipped them beneath her cloak, wrapping around her waist and pulling her to him as he swayed from the feeling of her… realizing that she wore nothing more than her sleeping clothes… a thin pair of shorts and an equally thin shirt. Apparently they had been of like mind for he wore his sleep pants and a thin shirt… though they would have looked hilarious for their boots and cloak to match their sleep wear. But there was next to nothing between them… his hands spread over her back as he swallowed roughly. “What else…” He breathed against her neck before he kissed her again, his tongue leading the way, his lips joining a second later.

Ris took that sharp breath in when his arms went around her and he pulled her to him… he was so warm, her body seemed to crave him. His attire hadn’t been lost on her… and she realized that hers was probably a really bad idea about half way to the grotto… but now? Now, she couldn’t even think enough to regret it. She could barely stand, if truth be told. Her hands settled on his biceps as she held him. His prompt had her blushing deeply for the memory… that coupled with his attentions had her center weeping. “Your hands were all over me…” She gasped as one of his hands went to her rear and pulled at her, the other spreading over her back. “And…” She shuddered as he bent lower, kissing along her collarbone. “You took me as your own…”

As far as Nathaniel was concerned, the world was gone. The only thing that existed was her… her words had his length harden and flex between them… had him doing as she said… pulling at her greedily as he tasted more of her skin. Yet those last words had him shudder just as she, his hand on her rear gripping her tightly as he straightened suddenly, his whole body seeming to hum with an urgent need. “I had the same dream…” His voice had gone husky, he almost didn’t recognize it. He ran his hand over her back and around her side slowly… watching her intently as he cupped her breast, his eyes flaring as he swallowed roughly, exhaling a ragged breath. “I want to, Ris… if you’d honor me…”

Ris felt like electricity in his hands, the way he was looking down at her… and his words had her center tighten painfully, aching for something to grip onto. His voice sent a shiver down her spine and had her pupils dilating with her own arousal… his hand on her breast had them feeling heavy with her own need… she gasped and her back arched seemingly on its own as she pressed herself into his hand intently. His words… she looked between his eyes carefully. “And be added to your list of conquests?” She questioned… and cue her smart mouth.

Nathaniel licked his lower lip without thought, massaging her gently as he nearly panted. He shook his head at her though he smirked… there’s the Ris he knew… and if he were truthful… the one he’d grown to care for, all those years… coming into stark clarity, he blushed deeply, visible even in the darkness when he answered her. “You’d honor me… by being my first…”

Ris raised her brows slightly even with his hand on her… she saw the truth in his eyes. She leaned up and captured his lips eagerly, apparently she had decided. She felt his hands go around her in earnest… and he guided her over to the hammock… that night saw a night of firsts for both of them.

Ris had always been told that it can hurt… but she’d also heard that it didn’t have to… if the man was patient and gentle. Nathaniel was… far gentler than she thought he’d be. He took his time… and was patient. She felt nothing but pleasure the entire time… her first time was truly beautiful. She knew she was giving him a piece of herself that… she could never get back. But he was kind… and the look in his eyes when he took her… was breathtaking. His gaze held… awe… gratitude… adoration… and the tells of young love. Ris knew she had made the right choice… if there was anyone in this world… it was him. She held tight to him as their bodies became one and he rocked her steady, held her as if he never wanted to let her go… and kissed her tears away once it was done… he thanked her for this special piece of herself… and kissed her breathless again. Her heart soared with each touch… each caress… and each kiss. As she held him tight that night… she knew… she was in big trouble. She… loved him.

Nathaniel had never thought his first time could be so… damn he had it bad. He never thought it could be… beautiful. He didn’t have… what he had heard other boys brag about. This was… it was gentle and kind, it went right through him. The steady way she held him, cradled him against her, welcomed him into her body… the sounds she made beneath him and the way she looked up at him… the trust she had in him… all of it… spoke to much deeper than just his skin. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen… and he knew he had it so damn bad… he’d managed to hold out for her, but just barely… and more than likely only because he’d enjoyed her body before. He’d been careful… he wasn’t foolish. He’d frowned at her tears, kissed them away… didn’t question them. Didn’t mention them… didn’t want to make her feel anything but good. He couldn’t stop kissing her either… his heart just… he knew he loved her. He held her against him, covered with their cloaks, until dawn… he didn’t dare go to sleep though she did… he just held her. Desperate for every moment… he knew that he was leaving later that day. All manner of foolish thoughts went through him… they could run away together, right now. Which was ridiculous really… they were already intended for one another. _Thank the Maker for that_. He thought for the first time… he ran his hand over her curly hair and kissed her brow, letting his head fall back against the hammock and stare at the glow worms above. _It’ll be our secret guys…_ he couldn’t help the smile on his face. To be the first man to touch her… and for her to be the first woman to touch him… it was… special. He knew that.

The next day, no one was any the wiser. But their parents did look on with a certain amount of curiosity but a certain amount of pride too when they said their goodbyes.

Nathaniel stood there beside the carriage, holding her hands in front of him, looking down at her with a crease in his brow for the frown he wore. “I’ll write you… do not worry, pup… our next visit will be here before we know it… we can just pretend we hate each other again and the time will pass in no time.” He gave a bit of a chuckle at her look.

Ris shook her head at him, even wearing her pants and shirt, much to the Arlessa’s disapproval, Nathaniel hadn’t even blinked at it. He still looked at her the same as he had the night before… with stars in his eyes. She had the same look… “You better write me…” She took a breath that threatened to overthrow her and wrapped her arms around him, her cheek settling on his chest as his arms went around her shoulders, pulling her to him as she felt his breath on her crown. “I miss you already.” She whispered to him.

Nathaniel’s expression went pained as he held her close to him, ignoring the murmurs from the adults. “I miss you too.” He whispered into her hair as he took a deep breath, smelling her scent… leather and honeysuckle. He pulled away with a shake of his head, straightening suddenly lest he not have the strength to. “I’ll write you soon.” He ran his hand down her cheek gently, winking at her before he climbed into the carriage, followed quickly by the Arlessa… he couldn’t take his eyes off of her until he couldn’t see her anymore… he felt as though he was leaving without his heart. He had to suffer a million and one questions from his mother the entire way home.

Ris nodded to him as she backed away… wearing a long face as the carriage left… she stood in the middle of the driveway until she couldn’t make it out anymore, even after she’d felt her father’s hand on her shoulder in a comforting manner. Her parents were less intrusive than his Mother, but only just.


	4. I Gave Him A Quick Death

Nathaniel wrote her one letter before he was sent away to the Free Marches by his father… at the time, he hated the man for it. His letters to Ris never stopped though… after a time, they grew fewer simply by how busy he had become with him being a squire. The letters from her were even fewer for how much he and his master moved around… but there were always a stack waiting for him in Starkhaven whenever they returned. Ris had been devastated… as had Nathaniel. But… their letters helped each other. Until… 930 dragon… when Nathaniel’s father, Renden Howe, betrayed Teyrn Cousland… and had him… Eleanor… Orlana… and Ris’ young nephew, Oren all killed in his attempt to overthrow them and seize the Teyrn for himself. Ris only barely escaped… and it was thanks to a visiting Grey Warden, Duncan. Who subsequently recruited her… at the behest of her father. Nathaniel was in the dark… the only thing he knew… was that the letters… stopped. For over a year… he had heard nothing… he assumed her dead or… moved on… either way… he’d learned to stop waiting for her letters… and he’d long since stopped sending his. Young love never lasted anyway… at least that’s what he told himself… in the quite hours of the dark when his heart still ached for her.

News of the blight was all over Thedas, of course. And Nathaniel worried over Ris… but the Free Marches was so far from Ferelden… it’d been… so long, since he’d been home. When news came to him in Kirkwall that his father had been murdered at the hands of the Grey Wardens, and that his family home… Vigil’s Keep… had been seized by the crown and given over to those murderous bastards… Nathaniel Howe… came home. He was furious… beyond furious. He wanted justice served. He ignored the rumors about his father once he returned to Ferelden… his sights were set upon regaining some of his family’s heirlooms and if the opportunity presented itself… revenge.

Nathaniel Howe sat in the cell in the dungeon of his own fucking Keep… oh, sorry, the _Warden’s_ keep. He sneered the thought, kicking the cell door again just for spite. He had been fucking caught. “Where’s my fucking food!” He barked again, even though it’d only been fifteen minutes since he’d last asked for his meal. The warden guard was growing more than irritated with him… _good_.

The Warden Guard stormed up and threw the bowl of food at the prisoner, the gruel splattering through the bars all over his boots. “There’s your fucking food, you damn mongrel. And you’re in luck.” He sneered down at him. “The Warden Commander has just arrived… she’ll deal with you right quick and in a hurry, thief.”

Nathaniel spat at the man. “It’s not stealing when it’s your own fucking stuff!” He yelled back at him for the fifth time, kicking at the bars again. “And good, she can tell you to stick your own head up your ass!”

The Warden Guard crossed his arms over his chest and gave a disgusted smirk. “Oh, I thought you’d be happy to meet her… she is the one who made sure we got this place after all.” He leaned back on his heels and rocked slightly. “Without her… hell, we wouldn’t have this fine keep.”

Nathaniel stilled with his words. “She’s the one who killed Renden Howe?” He asked low.

The Warden Guard gave a hearty laugh. “Gutted him like a pig.” He gloated before turning away and leaving the prisoner with another laugh.

Nathaniel saw red… he looked around quickly for anything he could use as a weapon. _Okay Nate… calm down…_ he had to come up with a plan. Okay… he had to calm down and think clearly. He needed to just be cool… take it easy and then when she wasn’t suspecting a thing… pounce. Avenge his father. He heard the door open just up the hall and the Guard address her… _Warden Commander._ He heard a woman’s voice. He swallowed roughly and leaned against the wall, forcing himself to look comfortable. _Yes Ma’am, he’s back here. He claims he wasn’t stealing anything. He says he was only reclaiming items that belonged to his family._ The Warden Guard entered the area first… Nathaniel cursed under his breath at the man… what hope he had at remaining anonymous was blown. The man stepped to the side and an armored woman stepped past him and stopped before the bars… but there was something odd about the way she stopped. Her armor was clearly that of a Commander though it was lightweight, allowing for movement. Good, it meant it was weak under her arms and along her sides, he thought. She lifted her hands and pulled her helm off… and his world skidded to a halt.

Adamris’ breath picked up as she stared down at him. “Nathaniel?” Her voice came rough as her brows were down in question. “What… what are you doing here?” She was… was it really him?

Nathaniel stared at her for more than a few minutes… she looked… so different, yet not. Her hair was cut so short… yet still feminine. There was a scar on her top lip and leading up from it on one side… only an inch long… another one went down from the bottom of the outer edge of her left eye. He blinked before he stood up. He… he had to ask… “You… killed my father?” Was that his voice? When the fuck did it get so small?

Adamris cut her eyes away even as her features hardened. She swallowed roughly, her grip on the helm tightening. She looked back at him and saw the anger already in his eyes, the unyielding rage. She met it without fear. “Yes.” She said simply… she looked to the guard. “Release him… let him take whatever it was he had tried to take… and let him go.” She started to turn around but his voice gave her pause.

Nathaniel knew the moment she cut her eyes away from him. His rage filled him up as he gripped the bars. “You bitch!” He yelled at her, even after she had given her decree. “You think a few trinkets will make up for what you did to my family?! You killed him and smeared my name! Now the rest of us get spit on whenever we walk down the fucking street!”

Adamris snatched the keys off the guard’s belt and threw her helm down with an audible clunk, drove the key into the lock and turned it, jerking the door open and charged him, taking hold of his collar with a strength that she saw surprised him, her own rage filling her eyes even as tears dotted her lashes. “And that son of a bitch butchered my family!” She drove him into the wall, knowing shock was the only true reason she had been able to. She shook as she looked up at him. “He personally slit my nephews throat… you remember him yeah? Oren!?” She shifted to keep hold of his eye as he tried to look away. “He gave me this…” She jerked at her armor, unbuckling a few of the top buckles, tugging it off her chest, just enough to show the jagged scar that ran diagonally over her collarbone and dove beneath her armor. “ Isn’t it _pretty_?” She took hold of his face as he tried to look away again, slapping at his cheek when she did so. “Look!” She barked at him, her commanding tone coming forth. “He…” She pulled up short as she shook her head suddenly. “It doesn’t matter. He got what he fucking deserved… _less_ than he deserved. I gave him a quick death.” She shook her head again, shoving away from him and buckling her armor back. “So get your shit and get the fuck out of my Keep.” She turned away from him and stormed out, snatching her helm from the guard as the man jumped.

Nathaniel _thought_ he was ready when he watched her unlock the door, _bring it on!_ But then she was all in his face, damn… when had she gotten so strong… when had she gotten so fierce?! His own rage met her own but… her words rang through him. He tried to look away but she was still there… yelling at him. He kept his hands down at his sides… then she released him and he couldn’t help but look at her with a low brow, confused as she was unbuckling her armor… but the scar he saw was horrible… he had to look away. Her hand on his face forced him to look back at her. He shoved the pain inside of him deep down, it was easy to do for the rage he felt. He shot daggers at her with his eyes when she pulled up her tirade and apparently remembered who she was. Her clipped words had his eyes flare at her. She dismissed him so easily… and scared the bear of a guard as she went by. He saw the bow on her back and it registered somewhere in his mind. But he gave chase, even as the guard barked out after him. “Adamris!” He climbed the stairs after her, damn when did she learn to move so damn fast!? Outside, he realized it was night and… it was raining. He blinked as he got turned around so fast… there were so many wardens… and they all stopped and saluted her, slamming their fist to their shoulder as she walked by. He rushed after her, having to weave around so many people that must have come with her. He saw them clearing out darkspawn bodies… that must have been all that damn noise he’d heard. He rushed after her… coming up short when she stopped suddenly. “Adamris…” He started to yell it at her only to growl it when she shot a look over her shoulder at him… and that’s when he realized that… there was the King of Ferelden standing right fucking there. _Great_.

Adamris was purposefully ignoring him. She didn’t have time for this shit right now. Couldn’t he just get his crap and go?! She had shit to do. She charged ahead, intent on getting away from him. She nodded to each of the wardens that addressed her. Once she got to the gate she shot that look at him, turning around and bowing deep to the King.

Alistair shook his head at her. “Dammit, Adamris… if you start bowing at me, everyone’s going to start do---… and there they go. See what you started!” Alistair gave her an annoyed glare.

Adamris straightened and smirked at him, taking a steadying breath. “Your Majesty… I bow out of respect… they bow because they have to.” She took his offered hand, giving it a firm shake and watching as his envoy broke off to speak with the Keep’s officials. “It’s good to see you, Alistair.”

Alistair wanted to pull her into a bear hug but knew she’d hit him if he did. He nodded and looked over her shoulder and saw the man. “You too, Adamris… is this… is this him? Nate? Is that… that’s the guy right? The one you told me about?”

Adamris shook her head sharply. “No.”

Nathaniel raised his brows as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Yes.” His tone came out curt though.

Alistair looked between them, he elected to ignore her in this matter. He stepped up and clapped Nathaniel on the shoulder, ignoring his surly demeanor. “You’re a brave man… seriously… this woman…” He gestured towards her as he nodded with high brows. “She’s tough. Between me, the Qunari, and the Antivan Crow… she kicked our asses all over Ferelden this year… especially that Crow, Zevran… what was it he said again?” Alistair looked at her with a raised brow.

Adamris shook her head at Alistair, her mouth open, ready to interrupt but then she was questioned. “It… doesn’t… oh fine. He said…” She crossed her own arms and rolled her eyes, looking away from them. “He said he could massages muscles I didn’t even know I had, look, does it matter?”

Alistair gave Nathaniel a smirk. “And she broke his nose, brother… in three places.” Alistair whistled. “He was just jealous of all the letters she was always writing you.”

Nathaniel was entirely frustrated with this entire impromptu conversation… he didn’t… Qunari? Antivan Crow? She was with an assassin and an ox man? And… the King? Wait… “Letters? What letters?”

Alistair blinked at him. “Yeah… man, she wrote you like every day… we mailed them every time we were at a post box, didn’t you get them?”

Adamris shook her head, taking that moment to interrupt. “Alistair, enough.” She barked at him. “Envoy, two o’clock. You better go. Thanks for stopping in…” No sooner had she said that, did his envoy overtake him again.

Alistair groaned but dutifully nodded. “Take care of her, Nate! Maker knows someone needs to now that we’re not around!” He called over the many people that suddenly surrounded him.

Adamris turned away and made for the Keep, aiming to get the hell away from Nathaniel. She didn’t need to deal with this shit… not at all.

Nathaniel was just.. this was all too fucking much. He gave chase… because of course he did. He caught up with her and nudged her towards one of the storage buildings… he knew this one was empty, he’d checked it before he got caught. “Now.” He growled at her. He was actually shocked when she jerked the door handle open and he followed her in, slamming it shut behind him. “What the fuck, Adamris?! You… you kill my father and yet you write me? What the hell?!”

Adamris was pacing as if she were a wild animal in a cage… she had no idea why she came in here with him. She felt the tears on her lower lashes again. “He had gone mad, Nathaniel. He must have. The things he was doing? And you… ” She countered, jabbing a finger at him before pulling up yet again, changing direction with her words. “And… and… I don’t know why I wrote you! I guess I was bored.”

Nathaniel shook his head at her. “Bored?! What … how many times did you write me? He made it sound like… and how the hell do _you_ even _know_ him?!”

Adamris shook her head at him, stopping for a moment before she just held her arms out to him and let them fall as a tear fell down her cheek. “I wrote you every other day, okay…  because I was alone and… I missed you I guess…” She wiped at her cheek stubbornly. “I know him… because he was… with me, he’s the _other_ Grey Warden. And…” She looked at him with a frown. “I’m the Hero of Ferelden. Twenty Five year old Veteran of the Fifth Blight, present at the battle of Denerim… slayer of the arch-demon and probably half a dozen other stupid things they’re saying about me.” She said it as if she couldn’t believe it herself, and she couldn’t… she shrugged a bit.

Nathaniel looked at her with a certain amount of shock… and… he couldn’t deny the tightness in his chest. She was the Hero? She… his… no… she wasn’t his anymore, was she? She was this different person… this… battle hardened woman... who had killed his father. Yet… she’d still written him. He saw that tear go down her cheek though… and he hated that part of himself that felt it like a blow to the gut. “And now… Arl.” He added.

Adamris shook her head at him sharply. “No… I am a Grey Warden now… that is all I will ever be; we can hold no other titles… except for Alistair obviously.” She stood a bit straighter. “This is a temporary assignment… one I requested… so I could make sure your family’s belongings were packed up and sent to your sister in Amaranthine… to be held for you and your nephew.”

Nathaniel raised his brows with a sort of strangled breath. “My sister? She lives? And my nephew too?!”

Adamris nodded. “Yes.” She wiped her face roughly again… noting that he said nothing of her confession that she had missed him… feeling the sting deep but not allowing it to show. What did she expect… she glanced down at the floor as she took a deep breath. “Now that you are here, I will see that you have a wagon and I’ll get her address for you. You can take the things to her.” She cleared her throat as she steadied herself and started for the door.


	5. Requesting Recruitment

Nathaniel looked at her… and damned if his anger didn’t just flood right out of him, even as he tried desperately to hang onto it. Seeing her stand there, looking at the floor like that. He blinked a few times and nodded, swallowing against the tightness in his chest as she made to pass him. He took hold of her elbow… but couldn’t look at her as she stood beside him. He turned his face towards her but… couldn’t look at her just yet. “I thought you were dead.” He whispered to her, feeling that relief flood him… even though he knew he should… hate her.

Adamris stilled beside him, feeling the tremble inside. She swallowed before she simply spoke her mind. “It’d be better if you still thought that.” She took an audibly ragged breath before she made to keep going only to find her elbow held fast…

Nathaniel closed his eyes tightly at those words… feeling them slice through him. He felt his anger boiling just beneath the surface as he gripped her arm, even through her leather armor he could feel the difference in her body. “I came back to Ferelden to find my family name lower than dirt…” He shook with his rage. “Conscript me.” He ground out, pinning her with a fierce look.

Adamris had kept her eyes focused on the door, her muscles tense and ready for the attack she expected from him. The muscles around her eyes twitched with his low spoken words… one more thing to hate Renden Howe for as far as she was concerned. She often wondered, in the time since she discovered that monster’s underground torture chamber… if there was any of that inside Nathaniel… she hoped not… but she had wondered. His command though had her look at him sharply with a low browed look of shock. “What?” She shook her head just as sharply before twisting her arm out of his hold with surprising agility. “No. Take your things, Nathaniel, and go.” She made for the door again.

Nathaniel filled in his own layered armor as his anger saturated him at her denial. “Adamris! I mean it.” He turned quickly and put himself between her and the door only to feel a sharp jab to his hip and ankle, followed by one to the side of his neck and suddenly he was against the wall behind the _open_ door. _What the fuck?!_ He hadn’t even seen her move! He wasn’t injured, just… effectively removed from her path. He scrambled out from behind the door and gave chase. “Adamris, I’m not fucking around. Give me this chance to… regain my family’s honor.” He fell into step beside her, noting now that her pace wasn’t as smooth as it had once been.

Adamris delivered two quick jabs and a kick to him in a specific order to pitch him to the side and get him out of her way. She didn’t want to deal with this from him… not at all. She aimed for the Keep, exhaustion tugging at her. She just needed a good night’s sleep and some peace- which she knew she probably wasn’t going to get now, for just a single night… before she began the task of rebuilding the Warden’s presence in Ferelden. Yet there he was, right beside her. _Ugh, he’s like a fungus!_ “Neither am I, Nathaniel! Becoming a Warden is not… something you do for glory. There’s no arch-demon anymore, that’s over. You  missed the fucking ship. The most you could hope for is twenty good years before you punch out.” She passed under the heavy arch and started climbing the stairs two at a time, eager to get away from him yet she still barked at him over her shoulder. “In War, Victory. In Peace, Vigilance. In Death, Sacrifice. The life of a Warden is a shit storm at the best of times. Any honor you may regain would only be recognized within the order…” She rounded the corner at the top of the stairs and passed a few new recruits who fumbled over themselves to salute her, she gave them each a dutiful nod as she continued down the hall. “It is not a decision to be made in the midst of anger… even presenting yourself in a formal manner is stepping beyond the point of no return, Nathaniel.”

Nathaniel nearly tripped over the top step at her words _twenty years before you punch out_ , and almost bumped into one of the recruits as his mind reeled at that… so she’d be failing before she even turned fifty? Now he was more determined than ever. Seeing these men and women salute her was still… it was doing weird shit to his head. He rushed to fall into step beside her again. “Adamris, don’t talk to me like I don’t understand the severity of what I am asking for.” He ground out as he drew nearer to her. “You need recruits, your numbers in Ferelden are severely encumbered—“

“No thanks to _Renden Howe_.” She sneered into the air before her as she rounded yet another corner, passing quite a few more men who were still loading in supplies. “He, along with the traitor Loghain Mac Tir ensured that our forces of Ferelden-stationed wardens are yours truly and the newly appointed King. All of the wardens you see here…” She gestured. “Are on loan from Orlais.” She couldn’t chase the clipped tone away from her voice as she charged down the hall.

Nathaniel tried to take a stilling breath but damned if it didn’t help at all. The way she sneered his father’s name… the hate he heard in her voice… unparalleled, even his own for his father’s killer not an hour ago hadn’t come close to it. “Exactly why you _need_ me. What better message to send to Ferelden than to conscript the son of the traitorous _Howe_.” He spat back at her, he couldn’t help it. “Adamris—“ He found himself interrupted _again_.

“You will address me as Warden Commander, and nothing more.” She barked at him, her patience growing thin as she entered the main hall. “If you intend to be a recruit, you’d better get used the title.” She rounded on him, hating that her heart still swelled with warmth at the sight of him, though he looked so different… yet not. He was a full grown man now… his hair longer… and he left a patch of beard just there under his lip to grow while he kept the rest shaved clean. Still, she could not soften her features to him. Not now… not ever again. That time was gone.

Nathaniel could practically hear the ice in her voice, and see the steel in her green eyes. He’d always known that deep inside of her beat the heart of a true warrior… he just… never thought he’d see it. Never thought she’d have to draw on that strength… that was where he had failed her. Yet here they were. He likewise didn’t ease his expression as he glared down at her, his tone, no less curt. “Fine, _Warden Commander_. I have made my wishes known.”

The Seneschal chose that exact moment to stroll up. “What wishes are those, pray tell?” The man raised a brow at the two of them… the Warden Commander he knew… but this man? Wasn’t he… “Aren’t you the man who broke in this morning?”

Adamris opened her mouth to speak to Nathanial again but the Seneschal interrupted, she turned to him and closed her mouth quickly. “Seneschal Varel.” She gave him a subtle nod when he did the same to her. “No, there was a misunderstanding. This is Nathaniel Howe, he was just—“

It was Nathaniel’s turn to interrupt _her_. “Requesting recruitment.” He stood up a bit straighter. “I wish to regain some of my family’s honor, Seneschal.” He could _feel_ her icy glare and chose to vehemently ignore it.

Seneschal Varel nodded at him. “Ah… well, we do need recruits.” He didn’t miss the way the Warden Commander was positively glaring at this man, no doubt allowing her personal hatred for the Howe’s to fill her. “I’m sure the Warden Commander understands that.”

Adamris shifted her jaw just slightly but nodded. “Very well.” She nodded to the man. “Put him with the others.” She gestured before simply walking away, yet called over her shoulder to them both. “We’ll induct the recruits at dawn.”

Nathaniel cut his eyes over to her sudden acceptance and then hasty retreat… he made to follow but felt a firm hand on his shoulder, to which he glanced to its owner. The Seneschal was giving him a hard look. “I need to speak with her… with the Warden Commander further.”

Varel shook his head at the man. “No, you don’t.” He took hold of his leather armor and gave him a firm shove, putting him in front of him. “This way, _recruit_.” He had little use for the Howes, but it was none of his true concern; born in Ferelden yet being a citizen of Orlais for many years now, he had kept an interest in his homeland’s affairs- thus his current position at the Keep. “The recruits are being barracked in the family wing, I am sure you remember the way.” He kept his station just behind the man but slightly beside him.

Nathaniel ground his teeth in frustration at being pushed… and then directed. “I do.” He shook his head as he all but hit a door open. “Why are the troops being put down here… I would have thought the Warden Commander’s quarters would be here.” It was… a bit confusing.

Varel narrowed his eyes at the man. “Not that it is any of your concern, but the Warden Commander has chosen the south tower as the head’s quarters. Keep moving, recruit.” He gave the man another shove to his shoulder when he slowed, pushing him through the doorway to the wide circular room that had been outfitted with the many barrack style beds, two high and many rows deep. There were already five other recruits milling about, lounging, sharing stories, all went quiet when he entered. “All right, you lot. Listen up… the Warden Commander’s set the time. You’ll all be inducted at dawn, so get some sleep… you’re going to need it.”

One of the female recruits leaned on one of the bunks and smirked at the newcomer. “Another unlucky soul, huh Varel? Dawn it is!” She cheered as she shoved at the redheaded dwarf. “You ready Oghren?”

Oghren roared with laughter. “Lass, I was born ready.” He looked at this Varel guy though. “She’s here then? Bout time she got her narrow ass up here, thought she’d be stuck in Weisshaupt all winter with as long as she was taking!” He crossed his thick arms over his bare chest.

Varel groaned internally but smirked externally. “Yes, Oghren, she’s here. The King also wished for me to tell you to…” He cleared his throat before continuing. “Take a bath and watch out for her since he’s…” He cleared his throat again. “Busy dealing with the highborn pricks.”

Oghren slapped his knee and nearly doubled over with laughter. “I bet he did!”

Varel shook his head at the crass dwarf. “Quite.” He turned back to Nathaniel and gestured for him to claim a bunk. “Don’t get any ideas… any of you. The Keep is on lockdown tonight due to the attack, to which we are grateful for your help, Oghren.”

Oghren shrugged. “The only thing that was missing was the Warden and it would have been like old times.”

Nathaniel blinked at the dwarf… and the other recruits who all looked excited to be there, eager to join the woman who stopped the blight and saved the south. Apparently this dwarf knew Adamris… interesting. He just gave Varel a smartass smirk before moving over to a bunk and rolling onto it, not even bothering to take his boots off, crossing them at the ankles and lacing his fingers behind his head. Varel ignored him and excused himself, leaving the boisterous group to themselves.


	6. Story Telling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short bridge chapter.

“You were _really_ with the Warden in Denerim?” The young man asked the dwarf, he was eager to join the wardens, wanting to be an honorable man like the King.

Oghren sat down on his bunk and gave a wave of his hand. “With her? Hell boy, I watched her blind side. Someone had to make sure darkspawn didn’t come up and bite her in the ass.” He saw the curiosity in their eyes and gave a broad grin. “It was me… the Warden… the Qunari Sten… the King, Alistair… the Warden’s warhound, the Mabari- Teyrn… and the witch of the wild…” He gave a wide wave with his hand out in front of him as he laid the tone on thick. “The golem watched the north gate with the circle mage, the crow and the bard… they came from all over, darkspawn… all kinds… shrieks, genlocks… alphas… emissaries... they flooded the city, and all of them were gunning for the only wardens left in _all_ of Ferelden. Riorden, the Orlaisan warden that Loghain had kept prisoner… the King… and the Warden herself. Our job? Keep them bastards off them long enough for them to take that blighted dragon down.” Oghren’s eyes widened as he told the story, ensnaring them easily. “Riorden fell- the arch-demon took him down quick, knowing that he was there to punch its ticket, it was desperate… the Ogres were loosed on us, the Warden took a bolt to the leg… the King- a sword slice to the back… I got this beauty…” He showed his side, a nasty scar scraping along his ribs. “We were done for… but we knew it. We all knew it was a one way ride anyway… but did the Warden falter? Fuck no. She led us deeper in, charging past them, taking down those damn Ogres like they were nothing… and high on top of Fort Drake, we battled the mighty beast. Teyrn hounded it, Sten and I, we sliced up its damn wings… so the bastard couldn’t fly…” Oghren gave a fierce laugh as the recruits all nodded, their fists all clutched as they leaned in. “The witch distracted it, kept it busy while the King moved in for the kill. But just then, at the last second, the Warden slid in under his swing, her father’s sword raised high… and jammed it into the creatures eye!”

The female recruit couldn’t help the interruption. “Why did she do that?! She took his kill?!”

Oghren leaned in all conspiracy like. “Simple, killing an arch demon is no simple matter. The Warden who does it, and it has to be a warden or it doesn’t work… the warden who does it? Pays with their life.” He smirked. “Oh, the witch had done some sort of mumbo jumbo the night before, claiming that it would make it so no one died when they killed the dragon but the Warden wasn’t banking on that, that woman has never been stupid enough to trust anyone… not after what happened to her family. She wasn’t about to let the king risk his life when there was another warden standing right there… oh he was pissed, plenty pissed. Not because she took his kill… but because she risked _her_ life. And it damn near killed her… knocked us all down, killed the mabari… poor soul, nearly brought down the tower. But by my beard, that woman lived!” He roared.

The female recruit smirked. “So… the king… and the Warden?” She raised her brows at him.

Oghren nearly fell over with his laughter. “Hell no! I think the warden was built without that part of her brain, I can’t imagine her being that way with _anyone_ , there was the assassin… he tried damn near every day to get in her pants… she finally broke his nose in three places, funniest damn thing I’ve ever seen.” He shook his head as he straightened, still rocking with his laughter a bit. “The King just didn’t want anyone dying for him. Bastard prince and all that.”

Nathaniel listened though he pretended not to… he’d heard some stories about the battle in Denerim. But… he had no idea she’d been there. Now of course, he knew. Hearing the dwarf give his firsthand account… painted Adamris in a light that… well, that was just it wasn’t it? He didn’t know her at all. Not anymore. To hear that she fought… apparently fearlessly against the horde that ransacked Denerim… and then was willing to sacrifice herself for the King… though he wasn’t the King at the time. He had to wonder… and then the female recruit asked the same thing. He didn’t know how he felt about Oghren’s answer. Had she changed so much that… even her companions couldn’t imagine her being that way with anyone? Anyone at all? He couldn’t help the smirk that tugged at him upon hearing, for the second time, about how she broke the man’s nose though. The thought almost went through his mind but he stopped it quick… _that’s my girl._ Because she wasn’t. Not anymore… not at all. He listened to the other recruits… and found no sleep for the rest of the night.


	7. Victory, Vigilance, Sacrifice

Before dawn, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting. The Seneschal came quietly but woke the rest of the recruits and collected them. Nathaniel followed… the tone was excited from the recruits but somber from the Seneschal. It was… odd. The man carried the lantern and led them down the hall and out the back of the Keep… aiming for the garden. A wide swath had been cleared in the shape of a circle… a fire burned in a vessel in the center… and just beyond it. The Warden Commander. The recruits all grew serious the moment they saw her… except Oghren. He smiled wide though he did put forth the effort to be serious, he failed… but he tried. Nathaniel couldn’t take his eyes from her as he took his apparent place at the end of the line, among the others. She looked… to be honest, she looked tired… at least to him she did.

Adamris had been dreading this… but knew well it must be done. She looked down the line of the men and women before her… knowing well that this may be the last time any of them felt the cool air on their skin. She swallowed roughly before speaking to them, her tenor taking on the authoritative tone she’d gotten so used to pulling forth. “Recruits… from this moment on, there is no turning back. Know now that you have crossed the threshold into our world.” From the darkness, more than a few wardens appeared, holding their own lanterns. “The secrecy regarding our order… is in place for a good reason. You will be expected to uphold that same secrecy. Your allegiance belongs to no crown, no lord… no lady… no one save the Order.” She pinned them all individually with her icy look. “You will take no titles… no gift of status… from this moment forth, you are all Wardens now.” She turned to the Seneschal as he stepped forward, a tray in his hands and atop it… the silver chalice. She looked down into it with a steady breath… plucking it and stepping around the fire slowly, cradling the chalice in a gentle yet firm grip. “We say only a few words… before this begins… hold tight to your courage.” She looked at them all again. “You will need it.” She glanced back down at the black liquid within the cup. “Join us… Brothers and Sisters. Join us in the shadows… where we stand vigilant. Join us… as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn. And should you parish… know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten. And that one day… it is we that will join you.” She held the chalice up just slightly as if toasting all of them. “In war…”

The many wardens around her spoke in unison. “Victory.”

“In peace…” She summoned them again.

“Vigilance.” They answered, all feeling the stirrings of their pride in their order.

“In death…” She nearly whispered but her word held no less heart.

“Sacrifice.” They answered again… their voices having gone low.

She walked up to the first recruit, the woman… she offered her the edge of the cup. “But a sip… and we shall see if you are strong enough… to remain a warden.” The wardens around the circle began to hum the low hymnal… the tune somber and deep, calling to them all… one they each remembered well. And it began…

The recruit’s grew fearful when the first woman failed… her body laying dead on the ground as the Warden Commander moved down the line… Oghren passed, giving her a wink when he took his swallow. The man after him did not survive… three men after him stood tall though still panted when she came to stand in front of Nathaniel. She held the cup up to him… the tendons in her neck flexing.

Nathaniel had watched whatever it was in that cup kill two thus far… and now she stood before him. He looked down into her eyes, watching the lantern light dance in them. He saw the seriousness in them… and right on the edge, just barely out of reach… worry. He leaned forward just as he’d seen the others do, yet his own hands covered hers on the chalice as he took his part… his eyes never leaving hers. The effect was instant… he felt the black liquid like fire, racing down his throat and spearing his mind with images, flashes of darkspawn and other horrible things… amidst the flowing images, the mist and fog of his mind, they became intertwined with images of Adamris… he saw her… but not as himself. There she was so far below him on the ground… fighting. He realized it was Denerim that he was looking down upon… the vision was gone quickly as he took a deep breath finally, the cloud leaving his eyes as he gasped. He saw the pale sky above him and looked down at her… his muscles tense and trembling… he’d never felt anything like the energy coursing through him. He looked down the line and noticed the rest of them twitching the same way.

_Live… be strong, Nate._ Adamris found herself chanting in her mind. His hands on hers wasn’t lost on her… yet she refused to acknowledge it. When he finally looked at her, she did release a slow breath, controlled and careful before she simply gave him a nod. Grateful that he survived… she walked away from him and looked to those who had survived. The other wardens having already came in and removed the two who had not. “We will remember their sacrifice…” She raised the chalice once more and poured the last few drops of the black liquid into the fire, the flames rising high. The other wardens joined her in the single _hou_ call that rose high into the dawn. “Wardens…” She looked between the new wardens. “You may take the day… a luxury I did not get.” She gave an almost kind smile. “Tomorrow you will be outfitted and training will begin… there is more to being a Warden than a fancy uniform.” She dismissed them and the other wardens, walking alongside the Seneschal as they made their way back towards the keep.


	8. I'm Unarmed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Smut crossing!

“You should rest, Commander.” Varel commented low to her. “And take the day yourself. Vigil’s Keep can run itself for a day without you.” He hadn’t missed the fact that she’d stayed up the entire night in the armory… officiating the joining was always an exhausting matter anyway.

Adamris shook her head stubbornly. “No, Seneschal… there is still much to be done.” She felt his heavy hand on her shoulder and couldn’t help the sharp look she gave him. He removed it quickly, straightening for the mistake he knew he made.

“I apologize Commander.” He murmured to her before speaking a bit louder. “But allow this old man to impart a bit of sage advice? Take the day. You cannot lead if you are falling over from exhaustion. You’ve been on the road since Denerim.”

Adamris forgave him the next moment, knowing he was simply trying to help. “Fine, if it will stop your nagging.” She shook her head at him. “See if you can’t get with those crazy dwarves and see about fortifying the outer walls… I don’t like the state of them. The stables need bolstering… the armory is in dire need of bolts, arrows, and whetstones. And make sure the recruit’s amulets are finished and delivered to them.”

Varel chuckled as he held his hands up. “Commander… everything will be fine for a single day.” Damn, this woman… so young yet… thrust into the chaos, no wonder she was the Hero. She earned it every step didn’t she? The Teyrn would have been proud of the woman his daughter had become. He saw how she brushed some of her short bangs from her brow, an action that said her hair had been long once.

Adamris just shook her head at him before turning away, heading down the narrow dirt path that lead over to the south tower. Taking a deep breath once she was away from them… she could hear the new recruits’ boisterous voices. She couldn’t help but think back to her own joining… as she was sure all the other older wardens were doing. She remembered the way Duncan had looked at her over the rim of the chalice… he had such hope in his eyes, such worry… the promise he made to her dying father weighing heavily upon him. She looked at the dirt before her as her stride finally slowed, her shoulders falling just enough as her head did the same. It was a good thing she was far enough from the new wardens… she didn’t look much like a Commander at the moment. She just looked… drained. On top of everything… seeing Nathaniel again had done messed up things to her head… and to her heart. She kicked at a stray rock on the path. Knowing he hadn’t gotten her letters… well, it was probably a good thing really. The first few hadn’t been kind. Then… she wrote him as if… well, she’d been so alone, _felt_ so alone… she just used the letters like a soundboard, bouncing her thoughts off of the page. Mailing them out of habit… especially since he never wrote her back. She rubbed at the back of her neck, shaking her head slightly at herself. _Just let it go, Ris… it’s done._ She pushed the door open to the winding tower and started taking the stairs one at a time, her hand settled on the railing as she drug herself up them. In truth, she didn’t want to go to sleep… even with the arch-demon gone, she still feared the darkness of her dreams. She passed the door that led out onto the battlements and continued upwards… pushing the door open to her small-in-comparison-to-the-barracks quarters. She shut it lazily behind her, bolting it against the world before she walked over to the windows and started pulling the thick curtains closed only to be scared half to death.

Nathaniel leaned against the wall as he watched her… he’d been waiting. This was his family home after all, he knew how to get anywhere without being seen once he was already within its interior. And she’d taken the long way around. He watched her bolt the door, the way she moved… she looked so different than earlier. She blocked the light out from one window and was moving to the next when he cleared his throat. “I wasn’t exactly done with our conversation yesterday.”

Adamris turned almost too quick, her left leg twisting and lighting up on her… she pivoted just so, relieving the tense pressure as she palmed a dagger that she kept hidden in her belt. She looked sharply at him… swallowing down the adrenaline that had been dumped into her. “Nathaniel… what the hell are you doing here?”

Nathaniel smirked at her, his muscles still straining against his padded leather armor, whatever the hell was in that chalice still coursing through him. “I told you, I wasn’t done talking yesterday.” He held his hands out to her, showing his empty palms. “I’m unarmed.”

Adamris narrowed her eyes at him. “Hardly.” She tossed the dagger on the dresser, turning away from him as she started working the buckles loose on her armor, the same she wore yesterday… giving the very clear indication that she hadn’t been to bed yet. “So, you wanted to talk… talk.” She said sharply as she pulled the reinforced leather top off with a grimace, tugging it free before she hung it on the stand beside the dresser, the tank beneath it wrinkled but clean. Just because it was the same armor didn’t mean she hadn’t taken a bath last night, she never could stand to let darkspawn blood just cake to a sticky mess on her. She turned around, leaning against the dresser and crossing her arms over her chest and giving him an expecting look.

Nathaniel watched with a certain amount of shock as she so brazenly took her armor off with him there… saying just how little of a threat she saw him. Or perhaps it was because she was too tired to care? He saw a few scratches on her shoulder, nothing too serious, probably from the darkspawn raid yesterday. But when she turned around, he took a sharp breath and had to look away. The scar she had flashed him the night before in her tirade of anger, was deep… jagged and dove down past her collar bone, over her pectoral muscle and beneath the strap of her tank top and disappeared beneath her arm. He couldn’t stop himself from crossing the room and coming up in front of her, even though she stiffened near violently when he reached… he forced himself to look… he traced it lightly with the pad of his middle finger, his hand shaking just as his jaw did. His muscles still straining from earlier… now felt tight across his chest and in his throat as he swallowed against them, fighting the feeling within. He watched as her chest rose and fell quicker as he ran his finger along the scar until he reached the strap of her tank… he looked up at her and was stilled by the look in her eyes. He couldn’t hold onto the anger in his own… “Ris…” His voice barely above a whisper as he shook his head at her slowly, his mouth opening but nothing else coming out.

Adamris’ muscles tensed when he came up to her… when he reached for her, she took a sharp breath, anticipating an attack of some kind. But… he only touched her with a single finger… she didn’t have to look to know what he was touching. The pins and needles feeling spread from the scar, the damaged nerves firing even under the light tracing, she breathed carefully as she tried to still herself. She failed… her green eyes grew darker as she felt the pain tugging at her heart. She expected to feel the familiar urge to drive her fist into his face… which was her usual reaction to being touched this… intimately. When he looked at her, she felt the tears on her lower lashes… having gathered against her will. Her nick name on his lips… the look in his eyes… those blue eyes that haunted her more than comforted her this past year. She let her hands fall to her sides as she shook her head at him just slightly. Her own voice coming so quiet. “I truly am sorry, Nathaniel…” She glanced down at his hand as he ran it back up her scar, her muscles twitching under his hand. “I… wish… it could have been different… but… it…” Her words became broken as he stepped closer to her, in truth… crowding her. Her hands gripped the edge of the dresser behind her as she pressed herself against it, trying to retreat from him, she looked up at him as his hand trailed up the side of her neck. “Nate….?” If not for the rush of air to leave her lips, there might not have been any indication that she had said his name at all.

Nathaniel knew he should be… filled with rage still. But… seeing her skin marred so… and knowing who had done it to her. He could only imagine the pain… and what made it all the worse… when she got that damned scar, she was still his intended. And his father knew that. He stepped into her, wanting to be closer to her. He saw the near fear in her eyes, the marginal panic… heard the nervousness in her voice as her words came stalled. He ran his finger back up her scar… and then further up, he splayed his fingers over the side of her neck, his hand shaking partially from whatever the hell had happened earlier… and mostly because… it was her. His name on her lips… in that way… had him shake his head at her as he leaned down, intently. He had to know… was it nostalgia or… was it real. He kissed her softly at first… but damned if that feeling didn’t shoot right through him just like it did all those years ago. His other hand took hold of her thick belted hip tightly as he sank into the kiss, just as before… taking in a deep breath as he closed his eyes, his entire body roaring to life as he ran his thumb along her jaw.

Adamris swallowed roughly as he leaned down… she felt… damn, she felt like a doe eyed girl again. What the hell was wrong with her?! She was having some kind of nervous breakdown, that was the only possible explanation. She was cracking up. But that soft kiss had her eyes flutter close… and the world vanished, her hands reached up between them, laying on either side of his neck as he deepened the kiss, grabbing her hip… she wrapped her arms around him further. Damn this man… it was as if the past eight years hadn’t happened. She felt those unshed tears roll down her face as her body lit up, desperate to feel him against her. She ran her hands back around and between them, tugging at the knots on his armor, pulling at the buckles, jerking at them roughly as he swayed back and then surged forward, the few items on her dresser trembling before falling over. She spread his jacket, pulling it down his shoulders before he removed it the rest of the way, tossing it aside before his arms were back around her. He left her mouth and dove into her neck, suckling on the tender skin as she gasped for air, pulling at his undershirt desperately.

Nathaniel’s head was swimming, he felt… drunk, to be honest. She pulled his armor damn near off of him, he hadn’t expected that… he threw it aside, having no use for it now. He had to have her back in his arms… he ravished her neck as she gasped above him and pulled at his undershirt. He pulled away just long enough to tear it off, letting it fall wherever before he reclaimed her lips, their breaths both sawing in and out of them so fast already. His hands dove between them as he worked her belt free before he tore at the ties of her leather pants, desperate to feel her against him. He felt her working her boots off… and he did the same… was a good thing he could multitask, though they both nearly fell. She laughed against the kiss and he couldn’t help his own deep chuckle from coming forth, damn… were they kids again or what… but their boots were off. He looked down into her eyes with a heated look as she nipped at his lower lip and he finally got loose the last tie on her leathers. He pulled them off her hips and sank his hands beneath the loose waistband, feeling his groin tighten painfully as her skin filled his palms. He felt her shifting and stepping out of them… her underclothes were so different now… so grown. He pulled at her lower back, swaying with her as he bent her back just enough to feel her against his chest as he ran his lips down the column of her throat. He closed his eyes tightly as he felt her leg lift and wrap around his hip… drawing him closer to her, he didn’t wait a second before he took advantage of the opening, shifting forward as he reached for the back of her thigh, hoisting her up onto the dresser and placing himself between her legs, his heart pounding with the feeling of her hands working on the ties of his own leathers. He broke away from her as he panted, looking down into those beautiful eyes. He ran his fingers through her short hair… his other hand running down the side of her face as he felt that marvel… the awe. “Maker’s breath… I have missed you, pup…” He whispered down to her, his voice thick with desire.

Adamris was lost to him so quickly, desperate to feel him against her. Her center ached, weeping with his attentions. The feeling of him there and seemingly all around her. She could barely catch her breath as her breasts grew heavy with need. When he set her upon the dresser, she instantly went for the ties on his leathers, pulling them loose, feeling him surge forward each time she pulled at him. She looked up at him… and damned if she didn’t see that same look in his eyes… there he was… she swallowed roughly as she loosed his leathers and pulled them down his hips slowly, letting them fall down around his ankles. “I’ve missed you… so much.” She ran her hands up his abdomen and chest gently, leaning in and kissing him over his heart tenderly. A tenderness… she hadn’t shown anyone else. She splayed her hands over his chest before reaching around his neck and craning her neck to look up at him. “There’s been no one else.” She said in a rush to him… she didn’t know why she said it… but she wanted him to know, her brows pitched outwards as she watched the emotions play on his face. She didn’t expect anything from him… but she wanted him to know.

Nathaniel stepped out of his leathers, kicking them to the side haphazardly. The feeling of her hands on him… the tenderness in her actions had his heart taking notice, even though he didn’t want it to. But this was her… then her confession and the open way she looked up at him. They might as well have been seventeen again… he took a ragged breath as his chin trembled. “I thought you were dead.” He shook his head slightly as he blinked rapidly for a moment before he slid his hands beneath her thighs and picked her up easily, settling her against him. “I tried to move on… but… I just couldn’t.” He turned away from the dresser and carried her over to her bed, the simple thing that belonged more in a servant’s quarters than the head of a hold. He climbed onto it with her still in his arms before he covered her with a sharp breath, his muscles all shaking as he gathered her in his arms, feeling her beneath him again was surreal. He trembled against her as he felt that energy coursing through him, a hunger he couldn’t name. He reclaimed her lips gently at first… he tried to keep it that way but it didn’t last. He deepened the kiss and quickly grew fevered… his hands roamed her body. His hands moved up her sides as he lifted himself just enough to lift her tank, breaking the kiss just long enough to tear it over her head and throw it across the room without thought, falling back against her and growling low in his throat for the feeling of her against his chest. His length painfully hard between them, being between her legs again was maddening… he couldn’t help but surge against her, rolling his hips, pressing himself into her center; feeling the heat from her… how she moaned beneath the kiss and squirmed had him moving a hand down to her hip and doing it again. It didn’t take long before he was moving against her in earnest, desperation clawing at him as he felt her soaking through her smallclothes and his alike, coating him through the thin fabrics and driving him even further. Her nails scoring his back and clawing at him had him breaking the kiss and gasping for air as he tugged at her under clothes, he heard the telling sound of fabric tearing and didn’t care… not at all… and the way she looked up at him with that searing look told him that she didn’t care either. It took an insanely long time, according to him, for him to get those damn barriers out of his way for how much he was shaking, but he did. And he wasted no time, gone were the days when he would have hesitated and waited for her permission… he steadied himself at her center, hissing when he found her swollen and slick, and drove himself in deep, throwing his head back with a rush of breath. The moan she gave him sending chills down his spine as he immediately started to move, desperate to reaffirm his claim upon her. He lifted a knee, bunching up the covers on the bed and spreading her wider as he rolled his hips, a full thrust that buried him into her completely as he looked down at her, bracing his weight on his forearms as her hands held fast to his hips. He gripped her shoulders and moved at a steady pace, panting above her as his hair slid over his shoulder, hanging down and swaying with his movements. His fingers lifted as he wiped the stray tear off her temple, bending low and kissing her tenderly as he slowed his roll.

Adamris was just as needy as he… welcomed him entirely. Desperate for him… yet, when he entered her, for all the pleasure she felt, she couldn’t help that stray tear. She had longed for him for so long, yet thought it was long over. And here he was… but was it real? It felt real… or was it simply two adults. She knew the joining induced hunger of all kinds… carnal being one of them. Yet, there he was… he noticed the tear, though she had hoped he hadn’t. The tender kiss had her melting against him, and the way he slowed. And all at once… it was him. Tender and gentle… patient. She held him close, pulling him against her as he moved, his hands left her shoulders and he held her just as close. She ran her legs over his… yet she felt her body growing desperate with need, her heart pounding as she broke the kiss and gasped for air.

Nathaniel felt that moment go through him, as it did so long ago. It was as if a window to another time had been opened… her body was different yet not. Muscular in ways it hadn’t been but still soft and gentle… tender in ways he’d never understand. He felt her body all around him, felt her heart beating against his chest… and when she broke the kiss, he could feel her body pulling at him, her core gripping him tighter, he knew she was getting closer. He rolled his hips against her in earnest, stroking her from within and pulling those marvelous sounds from her… ones he’d only remembered from his dreams yet now come to life once more. He wanted to drag it out, prolong it… but he couldn’t. He found himself moving faster, felt himself growing desperate along with her… staring down into her eyes with an intensity that he remembered well, yet it was different. It was all so familiar yet not. Her affirmations lost in her heavy breathing urged him on and soon he was moving against her at a rapid pace, drawing her closer… bringing her to the edge before she tensed around him and cried out his name… he grinned for a moment before he tensed and grew panicked, started lifting himself from her as he closed his eyes tightly, preparing to back away from her when he felt her hands on his hips, pulling him towards her. He looked down at her with a seriously alarmed look. “I can’t… I’m about to…” He panted at her.

Adamris was still in the throes of her own release when she shook her head at him. “It’s okay… Nate, it’s okay…” She pulled him again, throwing her head back, unable to focus on speaking again, every time he drove into her, she felt it go up her spine and spear her in the base of her skull.

Nathaniel shook his head at her, intent to withdraw anyway but… the way she pulled at him, how she moved beneath him… he was driving himself deep into her when he felt himself release, spilling into her as he cried out, rather loudly actually, it surprised him. He felt her tighten around him, everything going slick once again as she joined him again. It took some time before he felt as though he’d drifted back down into himself… he looked down at her with a worried look, shaking his head at her. “Why did you do that?” His voice was ragged as he spoke.


	9. You Are My Intended, After All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fin.

Adamris was still panting, shaking her head at his question. “I’m a warden, Nate… I can’t…” She cleared her throat, rolling her lips as she tried to catch her breath. “I can’t bear children.” She gave him an apologetic look.

Nathaniel frowned down at her. “Oh…” He didn’t know how he felt about that. “And can I….?”

Adamris gave a bit of a shrug. “Some warden men have had children… it’s rare but it can happen… it’s part of the price we pay to be what we are.”

Nathaniel nodded, absorbing the information, though, he supposed… there was one major upside. He felt himself still hard within her, figuring the joining had something to do with it for how he felt the energy still coursing through him. He flexed against her and smiled down at her when she sighed with pleasure. “I guess I will just have to find another way to give you a full life…”

Adamris could hardly think when he did that… she tried to focus on him but that smile… and him doing that… she took a deep breath. “You don’t… have to… Nate… it’s…”

Nathaniel looked at her with a tender look, withdrawing from her just enough to thrust back into her warmth. His breath leaving him as he trembled. “What?… You are… my intended, after all…” He whispered to her before he kissed her again, not giving her the chance to speak… some things never changed.

Nathaniel rose in the ranks of the Wardens, and while some said it was a scandal- those people were outside the Wardens. Within the order, everyone had the same rights. Nathaniel married his intended not even a year later and he was proud to do so. It was the happiest moment of Adamris’ life. What remained of their families were in attendance; Fergus- Adamris’ brother; even gave Nathaniel the _talk_. He held no ill will towards the man… they all found it serendipitous that the two of them still found their way into each other’s arms. Warden Constable Nathaniel Howe and his wife, Warden Commander Adamris Cousland-Howe were together in peace for many years… until the world decided to start tearing itself apart. The two of them disappeared into the west, in search for a cure to the calling; leaving their dear friend Warden Stroud behind. Neither of them content to accept the fact that they only had another ten years before the true calling would come for them.


End file.
